I did not come by my attitude naturally, it was learned slowly. Much like Mr. frog who will jump out of hot water, however you can put Mr. frog in warm water and put the pot on a flame and boil Mr. frog and he will set right through his demise. NOW I am so glad I woke the hell up in time for one more round.
Those of us unfortunate prisoners who cannot quickly come to terms with incarceration have a very difficult time in prison. In the beginning I was in continual conflict with prison staff, other prisoners and myself. I hated the petty rules that make no sense and the petty people that enforced them that make no sense. I hated that these petty people take such great pleasure in their “Official Authority” over, prisoners who they feel are far below them on the human scale they weigh us upon in their own minds.
It was not until I learned to read and write in my 30s that I learned the real battle is in the mind. That is when education became my life saver. Reading opened up new worlds and continues to do so still today. I suddenly found myself “dumbfounded and aghast” at the atrocities I had become so comfortable with in this prison which is in stark contrast of black and white, insane and unnatural as sane and natural is in society. I had somehow adjusted and acclimated myself to a system of insanity that in no way resembles anything you would experience in Society. This stark revelation was the beginning of my journey back among the living. Back to some semblance of reality with which i might learn to function as a productive member of the free world.
Looking back now. I find the real truth to be that prison perpetrates this insanity to twist your thoughts to immediate survival. To steer your thinking away from anything related to the free world. It’s survival skills that are developed in prison. Empathy is simply an empty tomb. The cost of survival encompasses all else on a daily basis within this world within a world. The most disturbing aspect of it is that this is all by design. We are turned against society by the association we have with the free world on a daily basis (The Guards and Staff) those who have complete control over us at all times. For many of us these associations of the free world is our only contact with society for decades.
The daily workings of prison are designed to focus our attention on each other and immediate life impulses and that of surviving another day of prison. There is absolutely nothing to focus your attention on the ways and means of living and prospering in free society.
This intense horrific prison experience is used to twist the thinking of its inhabitants so grossly that the thought of success is far beyond the grasp of most all prisoners.
Peace and Light