The Botany of Desire

When one door closes another opens, be careful what you ask for… you just might get it. I have heard these words all my life, however only recently have I given them any real credibility in the grand scheme of things.

Today I am looking back at my life, not going backwards by reliving it, but by acknowledging facts which seem to stand out in this new light of understanding I seem to have developed.

I am quickly learning to be careful about where I focus my attention. I know beliefs have a lot to do with determining it, so I examine them carefully with: why is this, why did this… why, why, why. It is usually determined by my deductive reasoning that when things show up in my life ie. people, places and things they were the focus of my attention, my desires. Just strange occurrences, coincidences, blind luck, destiny, fate, chance? Or all the above?

I will try not to misuse your time. I give you a ‘Quick Look’ version of the past year of significant events in my life. One year ago I was making plans for a website. Wondering what all would be required as I had no computer skill or knowledge. I only had a vision of my writing on a computer screen for people to read. I can still remember how vivid those visions were/are. I still have never seen any of it on an actual screen.

I had made some flyers up (designed on my cardboard computer). I sent them any where I could find an address. I ask everyone I know in here to send them out for me. In time I got some replies. I met some people who are now my chosen Family (the extended version). I have no known family. One Lady put my name in a card swap (a prison pen pal network) and I met Johan who is now the administrator of this site as well as my Dutch Uncle, editor friend and Fellow space traveler.

I also met this Wonderful Lady from New England who has also become a member of my chosen family and has given me a place to live upon my release. This will be a first after 64 years of being homeless.

I was also writing to everyone I read about, could find an address for, think of. I also started putting a cowboy news and Muse out to all that would read it. In or out of prison.

Stop and Remember

Two years ago I did not know a living soul outside of prison. I had had no contact with anyone outside these fences in 8 years, and before that I was locked up 12 years and out 92 days. Never having anyone on the outside my world was prison. I knew no other life.

Back to a year ago

All I had was that unquenchable burning desire for achievement, backed by some useful action, in pursuit of those desires. I was suddenly a man with a vision. A vision fueled by feeling and longing so powerful and compelling it has consumed my every waking moment up to this day.

Things just kept happening. The thoughts in my mind, my mental states, were producing definite results. People, places and things were drawn to me. They had to be as I am right where I have been for the last 7 years. Little things that made lasting impressions like this Lady from New England went to New Orleans on business and sent me a post card of where I had spent some amazing times Homeless there. I have it over my little table 6 pictures an example of how thoughts become things. My friend in the Netherlands had a statue that was given to the library where he works and soon after we met it was unveiled and I found it was Gandhi my folk hero, legend to the people of South Africa and India. He now looks over my friend at work each day on guard at my request. Then we started on Benjamin Rush and he popped up every where pictures and stories.

Recently, I met another Lady who has been reading my writing over a year now and she told me she had sent me and Miss Apple Tree a book – Miss Apple Tree is my talking Apple Tree or I am her Good Doctor its still up in the air 😉 – She said she would not tell us anything until the book arrived. Well, last night it suddenly arrived to the delight of us both. I had been telling Miss Apple Tree about a book I had started reading back in 2002 and that she would just love it. I had planed to have someone order it for me and surprise her. Instead, we were but surprised when it landed in the cell. The Botany of desire by Michael Pollan, an excellent book about for one thing apple trees 🙂 Thanks! We Just love it! Books just have a way of popping into my life as I love Books. Even How to Build a website For Dummies showed up one day.


I have Quickly developed an attitude of Gratitude. I find myself always stopping and thinking How Truly Grateful I am about even the trivial daily things that happen. So many people and things have came into my life in the past few months. I find Gratitude is like throwing another log on the fire of that unquenchable burning desire to experience life. Gratitude is a feeling, its the purest form of joy and comes from knowing you are loved and provided for by an intelligent Universe that ask only… “Imagine That…?”

Sweetness and Light
Aubrey and MAT

One Comment Add yours

  1. jamiedee52 says:



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