Sum Apple Pie Fer Ya

For The Dumbfounded and Aghast Circle Of Friends. Vol. I, No. 5.

Today we gonna make sum apple pie.

First we gonna need sum… apples. Ahhh, I don’t have any apples at the moment… Ok… I’ll be back…

2 weeks later: we had apples this morning at the chow hall. On my first attempt of absconding the premises with a pilfered apple, I was apprehended just outside the front door, where a gauntlet had been set up searching for pilfered apples. They took the pilfered apple and tossed it into the trash can. Now being incorrigible (not easily discouraged) I immediately slapped my back pocket, Damb, I forgot my hat. and immediately dashed back into the chow hall and went straight to the serving line and scooped up another apple and set out for the door. This time I put the apple under my beard(a very large one, beard not apple) and with my head down I held it with my chin.

When I exited the chow hall via the same door (there is only one) I was patted down by the assistant warden who asked “where is your hat?” Hat? ( I had forgot, she didn’t ) Ohhh… Ahhh… someone must have taken it back for me. With arms up head down she patted me down and sent me on my way rather quickly I might add as the talking was making the apple slip. Soon as I was out of sight I removed the apple and headed for the cell. There I was looking at the apple and started thinking ahead it was really small and hard so I decided why not just eat the apple(for snack later) and save the seed and grow my own apples in the cell. I could have apples every year that way. so i ate the apple and saved the seed there was 6 of them. I know you have to dry them first so I put them in a part of a sack of oatmeal and shook it up real good. Ok… I’ll be back…

2 months later: I ate the last of the oatmeal and discovered the four remaining seed( must have ate the other two with the oatmeal) Now I got me a pill bottle cap ( out of the trash) about an inch wide now I folded up some toilet paper an inch square and quarter inch thick and Took my scissors and “neatly clipped” the corners and then soaked it in water. separated it and placed the four seed inside and placed it in the cap and that in the window sill. I had to keep it hid or the guard ( Highlighter one would take it) Out of sight out of mind…. Ok… I will be back…

Three weeks later: We now have a sprouted apple seed/tree ! Now I need to pilfer some dirt for it. But today we gonna make it a planter fit for a well…. Apple tree. I have found in the trash 1 cream cheese container about 2 inches tall and two inches across at the top. I also found several old discarded greeting cards. One was hunter green my favorite color so i made a band around the plastic container with the green and overlapped it a little to glue ( pilfered from the wood shop) got that all glued up and set about cutting some sunflowers from another old card I carefully cut the intricate petals and leaves out of four of them and turned them over and put glue on them. Then I put the skirt on the planter and it just fit real snug now I positioned the sunflowers just so. They curled up just a little at the edges giving it that 3-D look. The center on the sunflower sparkled in the light. Perfect.  Ok…I’ll be back…

One week later: I went out to the rec. yard and found some loose dirt( Mud) but forgot to bring something to put it in so I went looking in the trash cans I found an old plastic glove used in the kitchen for serving and went and filled it up with dirt. Heading back to the unit I got to wondering if it would set off the metal detector I didn’t won’t to explain about a glove filled with dirt in my pockets. But I was in luck as i passed right through the metal detector without a hitch. Back in the cell I filled up the planter and set about transplanting Miss Apple Tree to her new home. That done, Just for good measure I made three little holes and put in the three remaining seed. I can always use more apples. I then put it in the window using the old lid for a base. I made sure it fit in the hiding place when the highlighter guard is here or I leave the cell for any time. Ok… I’ll be back…

Four days later : On my way back from the rec. yard today I was stopped and searched. The guard found a lump in my pocket and ask what that was. Well I … he reached in and pulled out some dead leaves and ask what is this? Leaves I guess, haven’t you ever heard the old saying ” If you lay  down with trees you wake up with leaves”  He just shook his head and gave me back the leaves. I took them into the cell and piled them on the table got out the scissors and cut them into little pieces for mulch for Miss apple Tree.  Ok… I’ll be back…

Next day: She was clear of the planter this morning, still got het little hat on. The highlighter guard has been on so I have had her hid a lot. She has grown a little but looks real skinny so i brought her some food from the chow hall ( Of course some apple) I cut it up real fine and sprinkled it around her and got a nitro pill from my neighbor and crushed it up and sprinkled it around in the mix( I heard that there was nitrogen in plant food, same thing. I hope! I watered her real good put her in her hiding spot and went to Microsoft word class. Us writers got to stay on the cutting edge of modern technology you know….

Back home: I took Miss apple Tree out from hiding and she had shed her hat. I found it and retrieved it and put it on my locker its like a baby’s first shoe to me. I am going to see if I can get it out to a friend then we can photograph it and post the pictures. Baby pictures you know, How cute is that? Well the highlighter cop is on so I had better get back to my cell. I will keep you posted as things progress. Its a dangerous world in here for Apple tree’s  and highlighter’s and such as that. OK…  I will be Back….

Peace & Light

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