The Dumbfounded and Aghast Series, Vol 1, No.3.
Each week a few days before commissary day they pass out commissary sheets. First thing I do is get out the scissors and ‘Neatly Clip’ the corners off. I don’t like corners, all the pictures posted over my little table have their corners neatly clipped. I then set about marking all the items that I want by indicating how many of each. After that, I add the price into my lobotomized calculator. It had a mental impairment, was thrown in the trash, and I recovered it, I drilled a hole in the side and inserted a paper clip and jiggled and poked and prodded until the stuck button was freed. Now its pretty much back to normal
I make sure I get plenty of chips, cookies, Little Debbie’s and the makings for som Toe-malies and Burr-rit-oos. Please see ‘Crookbook’ to order recipes for these Criminally delicious treats. Then I fill in all the information at the top. Name, I put mine but you should probably use yours, as it is more personal. Number, make up one, pretend! for gods sake. I then check the math once again – It had a lobotomy, for crying out loud – then I get out the Highlighter – when the coast is clear, its a Dangerous item in here. See also: Write Up Of Jan. 8 2017 – I highlight all the items, cause I don’t want the commissary workers to miss anything. Then it is hung on its designated hanger, a clip which I pilfered from work years ago, probably the reason Unicor went belly up.
Now, from anywhere in the cell it is in my peripheral vision. Slowly it begins to seep into my head, speaking “You could use that money for better things you know, like sending those greetings across thousands of miles of land and sea. You could send some of that stuff you write and make others smile. What about telling about your little apple tree that’s almost an inch tall. Just think how you will feel when you have eaten all that stuff and are broke again.” OK ! Ok ! I reach over and snatch it off the wall and with a self-satisfied grin, ball it up and throw it in the trash. Do I hear voices? Hell yes, I hear voices! The voice of reason telling me this is probably my last chance at freedom coming up in a few months. To make something of this tragedy now.
I have got enough coffee and some ramen noodles. Besides I only make five dollars and twenty five cents a month. But its a great way to develop my budgeting skills and get the satisfaction of spending all I want once a week. Who knows one day I just might have to manage large sums of money like a hundred dollars at a time. I want to be prepared, ahhh… just In case.
Please Folks, if you try this at home, ‘neatly clip’ the corners of your paper. Ahhh… Well… I’m just saying.